Friday, September 25, 2009

The Many Faces of TOM....or Why My Husband is a Saint....

TOM manifests himself in many many different ways. Well let me clarify. I don't know if it's TOM or if it's my demon that TOM likes to poke with his big pointy stick, but it's one of them.

Some months TOM is a weepy, insecure, 6 year old who wants a husband to cling to, sometimes TOM is an evil she devil whose family can't do anything right and acts like she's the only one who ever does ANYTHING around here. Some months TOM is a randy tramp that wants a husband to molest in the bathroom (the one that my particular husband doesn't seem to really mind at all) and sometimes, just sometimes TOM is all three of those delightful creatures all rolled into one.

When TOM is all of them, a typical day can go something like this.

4:15 AM Wake up and send hubby off to work with a big kiss and hug as usual.

10:00 AM Call hubby weeping and tell him that he needs to come home because I'm sad and need a hug

11:30 AM Call hubby and tell him that I'm so sick and tired of cleaning up after these &*^%*&^ dogs and couldn't he JUST take them down in the back and shoot them please!!

1:30 PM Call hubby just to tell him that I love him and can't wait till he gets home when I'm going to (insert your favorite sexual euphemism here) as soon as he gets in the door!

4:00 PM Call hubby to ask him why in the holy ^(^&%*& he isn't home from work yet and doesn't he love me anymore??

6:00 PM Hubby finally gets home wondering if he will be greeted at the door by the baby, the bitch or the slut, or maybe all three?!?!

8:00 PM Fall into bed beside a husband who immediately gathers all of my personalities into his big strong arms, locks them securely to his wide wide chest, whispers I love you in my ear and then drifts off to sleep safe in the knowledge that this too shall pass and tomorrow morning his REAL wife will be back!

Till next time......I'm unTHICKIN and soTHINNIN.......albeit just a little bit nutty! ;)

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