Friday, April 16, 2010

More Thoughts.....And These Might Offend Ya....... :)

God put these thoughts on my heart yesterday and I wish I'd found  made time to get them down cuz sometimes if I don't then they flit away and I can't catch them again.

I'm such a sinner.  So evil and rotten and mean and just plain ole' not good. I cuss (although having to pay The Youngun $.50 per word has put a big dent in how much of that I do)  I have a wicked wit, a sharp tongue, and sometimes I'm not very compassionate.  I'm a do-er and folks who aren't do-ers get on my ever lovin' last nerve.  I don't have much sympathy for them.  I can be so short with the ones that I love, and my wicked sharp tongue can cut them deep before I even know what I've said.  I've got a filter with most things, although the folks who know me will find that hard to believe.  It's true though, as outspoken as I am, I don't say 1/10 of what goes through my head!  I'm proud (pride is one of the 7 deadlies ya know, but boy I've got bushels of it) and passionate and very vocal about the things I believe in.  You get me talking about something I feel strongly about and my blood heats up, I can feel my body temperature rising and even though I don't shout, my voice gets stronger and carries better and if it's something I'm REALLY passionate about I'll sometimes shake.  I can be a hard woman and that's not a good thing.  Life is black and white to me, either it's right or it's wrong, there is no in between.  There is no such thing as "the lesser of two evils" in my mind.  It's evil or it ain't and if it's evil then it's evil and you just can't choose to do it! 

Anyway, the point of this dissertation into the mind of the Goodwife is this...... I am all of those things I said and more.  I'm weak and unworthy and I fail my Lord every single day multiple times over.  There is only one thing in this life I'm certain of.  There is not a doubt in my mind that Jesus Christ was born of a virgin, walked this earth, loving, preaching, teaching.  Not a doubt in my mind that He willingly went to that cross to die for my evil-ness.  Not a doubt in my mind that His death saved me.  As full of sin as I am, God made me.  He knows me, all the inner evil that I can manage to hide from ever'body else, I can't hide it from God and He loves me anyway! 

Yesterday The Youngun and I had to run to town (for the THIRD TIME this week!) and on the way home we were discussing God and Jesus as we so often do.  We got to talking about the Crucifixion and what a wonderful gift that was.  I told her how when I'm having a bad day I feel so incredibly selfish.  What right do I have to think I'm havin' a bad day?  Jesus Christ was humiliated, beaten, nailed to a cross and hung there to die, just so we sinners don't have to.  THAT my friends was a bad day!  Jesus didn't do anything to deserve that, and there is nothing we can do to deserve salvation, but He gives it freely.  That's powerful stuff. 

Sanctimonius people honk me off.  I'm really going to open up here and tell you that I don't go to church.  I was raised in church, and The Paintiff and I have gone off and on a few times in our 14 years of marriage, but I don't like the fact that there is a mere human being standing up on a raised platform telling me what a piece of trash I am.  Boys and girls, I know I'm a piece of trash, but so are you.  So is ever'body who's ever walked this beautiful earth God created for us.  There's only been One who was worthy, and He's the one who died for us.  Should have been all of us who died for Him, but we weren't even worthy of that, if you understand my meaning.  We aren't good enough to die for Him. 

Some "Christian" groups scare me to death, with the hate that they spew.  That's why you've got to live for the Lord every single day, not just on Sunday.  The Jesus that I know loves everybody.  He loves Charles Manson, and He loves Ted Bundy, and He loves Ellen Degeneres, and He loves the registered sex offender down the street, the abortion doctor murderin' babies, and the poor misguided woman layin' on the table.  He sure doesn't love the behavior, but He loves their soul just ever' bit as much as He loves mine or yours.  You know all those sins I just told you I commit, and all the wickedness that lives in my soul and God loves me anyway?  Well he loves those folks too.  I don't believe there are "degrees" of sin.  I believe in God's eyes, sin is sin is sin is sin is sin.  I don't believe it's my place to judge folks, or tell them they are livin' wrong.  I tell ever'body I know about my love for Jesus, as does The Youngun and The Paintiff.  In my mind the very best two ways to witness to folks are by living and loving Jesus ever' day and instead of tellin' them what's wrong with them tell 'em what's wrong with you, cuz brother we've all got material there.  Urge them to read the Bible and figure it out for themselves.  You'll never ever have a rock solid relationship with Jesus until you've been face down with your nose resting right on the floor, crying your heart out to Him.  You can go to church every single Sunday and sing the hymns and shout Amen's and put your money in the collection plate and quote the Bible with the best of them but until you've stripped your soul bare and given it all over to Jesus, until you've given up every last bit of control to Him, until you've said with your soul, not just your mouth that you are a worthless sinner, you are cheating yourself out of a really awesome thing. 

I used to be a little bit afraid of dying.  When I was a young teenager, I used to cry every year on my birthday because I just knew I was going to die on my birthday.  A few years ago I was in bed sleeping and I had the most beautiful vision.  I was in flowing white robes and my hair was all down my back.  I was walking in the most beautiful garden I've ever seen in and I came upon an old man sitting by a huge old tree next to a small pool.  He was old and white haired and had on white robes and he had a twisted wooden staff.  He didn't say a word to me, but the feeling of peace that came over me was just amazing.  I was flooded and I didn't want to leave.  I truly didn't want to wake up and leave that place.  Of course I did wake up and I knew then and I know now that I'd had a glimpse of Heaven.  I've not been afraid of dying since.  I actually look forward to sitting next to that pond with that old man again.  Don't get me wrong, I don't particularly want to die just right now.  I've got lots of living to do yet, but if God decides to call me home, brother I'm ready to go.  I've got my bags always packed!  The Youngun has said to me, Mama I don't want you to die.  To which I reply, Well I'm gonna someday, when God calls me home, but I'll be waitin' in Heaven there for you.  The Youngun isn't afraid of death either because she knows it's just another step and she's got a long list of topics she's like to talk about with the folks who've gone on!

Wow............I should probably stop there and perhaps another day God will put some more stuff on my heart and my mind to share.  If I've offended anybody....well....I have to do what God puts on my heart, regardless of who I might upset.  I do like debate though, so if you'd like to leave any comments, positive or negative, well that's all right with me.  As long as you are respectful, I'll leave them up!  ;)

Till next time.........God Bless!   


  1. I love your pure honesty...I feel the same way but because of society I felt I should go to church.The last 5 years I have been trying to like this church..But I don't feel connected with God but when I don't go I pursue my relationship with God more..My husband and I decided 2 weeks ago that we weren't going to go anymore..that we would walk our walk with the Lord and live 7/24 living our life the way the Lord has been trying to show us..Living off HIS land He provided for's not a lot but we realized we aren't going to take Him for granted anymore..Your post is powerful...thank you for sharing your thoughts...Lisa

  2. LOVE this post! I so appreciate your honesty. I couldn't agree with you more, nothing gets me more riled than another human being sitting in judgement. My husband always says, "Hate the sin, love the sinner" and I think it's rubbing off on me. :)


  3. Thank you ladies! Lisa, for my family and I, the most important thing and the prayer that we pray the most often is that we will open our hearts and our minds to God's direction and then that we will have the courage to follow where He leads. We've done some things where family and others have thought were were crazy, but we had prayed and we were following where God was leading us, no matter how foolish it seemed to the world at large!

    Stacey, yup, I totally agree that's the way to be!

  4. your story about your dream gave me chills! I really felt what you were saying. I think that people that think that they're doing right by God and don't need to change need to reevaluate some things. As long as I feel that I still need to improve on my life and my relationship with God, I know that I'm at least headed in the right direction.

  5. I agree with your post. In some places, Christianity has become "Churchianity."

    We need to learn to love, and to forgive and to stop being so darn judgmental.

    I love that...hate the the sinner.

  6. I'm loving reading your blog. I am so proud to be your sister. I hope someday I can have the clarity you have and the confidience you exude. Keep up doing what you are doing. Love ya. Suz

  7. Great post.
    I don't go to church either but that doesn't mean I am a bad person or not a believer. I have a favorite poem that kind of goes along with your post if you would care to read it. You can find it here:

  8. Awesome post! The husband and I have tried several churches throughout the years. Every time, it seems the purpose of the church is overlooked due to politics in the church. We always leave with a bad taste in our mouths.

    We have a lot of the same beliefs.

  9. You didn't offend me.... I admire those who can discuss things so openly and put them into words...I also believe that you don't have to go to church to be a Christian. I still believe - I don't have to be in church to believe! Happy weekend.

  10. You sure done some good preaching in this post! I enjoy your pure honesty and stand with you. - Be Blessed!

  11. Offend away! I think there's a lot more folks like you than you might think. I and so many I know aren't in church, and the way churches are these days, that might not be a bad thing. We musn't get away from the 'instruction book' (the Bible) though while we're out here not going to church. 'Else we start going our own way - and 'man's way is foolishness to God.' It's Him and His ways I want to follow, and it seems like that's what you want too.

  12. I agree with so much you had to say and happy you were saying away!

    Sometimes I have that same sharp tongue and short fuse with some words that just fly out without me planning on them.

    Anyway, I do try and work on my bad points and that is all anyone can expect of anyone else. At least try and try again.

    Great post.
    Have a wonderful day.

  13. AMEN sista! I feel very much the same way. I like the way you say that we shouldn't walk around telling others what's wrong with them and instead tell them about what's wrong with ourselves. I'm not a big fan of Evangelism and even get offended by the people who walk around handing out cards. I guess it just bugs me that they assume that no one else knows God. I have a hard time believing the people that say they don't believe in God. I think deep down they know the truth but are too weak to live the life they know they should.
    My husband and I attend church (nearly) every Sunday, and it's because of the people there that we go. It's a small church and even tho I've gone to church my whole life, I've never felt I belong somewhere like I do at our church. My parents just made us go to church because it was just something "you do", like another check off the list of things to do that week. I find it much more admirable to not attend church for the right reasons than to attend church and have no clue why you're there.
    Keep up the good work!

  14. AMEN SISTER!!! I 100% and whole-heartedly agree with you! You have spoken my mind! I DO attend a church, but I have never heard anyone preach about what a sinner I am or any other kind of "hell fire and damnation." Instead, we learn about the Savior, how to become like Him, how to repent, how to love and serve His other children, and how to be better wives, mothers, husbands, fathers, children, grandparents, siblings, members of our community, friends and neighbors. We learn together and support each other. As long as we have a pure desire in our hearts to follow the Savior, we will be on the path, and where, we should be - whether that's in a church or not! Christ leads us when and where we will learn the best, if we are willing to follow Him. You truly have a beautiful heart. Thanks for sharing your mind.

    (And I love the .50 thing! Now that's support!)

  15. I love that our awesome God brought me here to read this. I share your thoughts and am definitely not offended.

    I go to church, but I don't feel like it's a requirement at all. I've been at this church for a couple years now. Previously I hadn't gone to one in many years because the church's I went to were not what I thought a church should be. After my mother died (She was 49) I felt the pull in my heart to find a church again. Fellowship was what I needed and I sure have it now. I don't always have money to put in the offering, they've helped us more than we deserve, and I miss plenty of Sundays, but we are still loved and have never been pressured into being the perfect "church people." They are not perfect either and never will be, we're all sinners and it's not our place to judge anyone. Anyway! Don't know why I shared that, but I did. :)


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