Yesterday I was standing at my sink washing up some dishes and it occurred to me that we really do ALL fall down at some point and in some area of our lives. For some it's in beating an addiction, or in dealing with relationships, or careers. All of us fall down. Some jump right back up and are good to go for years. Others just keep getting knocked down and getting up like Paul Newman in Cool Hand Luke. As we've all heard so many times, winners get knocked down just like losers, they just get up one more time, or something like that.
It just hit me, when I get knocked off this weight loss train, it isn't a physical problem that knocks me off. The tree branch that sweeps me off my high horse is mental. I've never been too hungry to "do" Weight Watchers. This program, when you eat good, whole, natural food, gives you plenty to eat! I get 29 points a day and sometimes I struggle to get them all in. (I know I know, and don't worry, I'll be down to 23 points soon enough) It's that demon who lives in my head that likes to lay low up the road and ambush me when I least expect it. I've blogged about this before, but that demon is what I have to beat. It isn't losing weight or even keeping it off, it's that mental saboteur that I have got to get a handle on. It affects each and every part of my life and I'm tired of it.
That evil bastard tries to convince me not to ride my horse, he tells me that cooking two seperate meals isn't worth it, he tells me all sorts of annoying stuff to try to derail me because he's afraid of me. On the days I can keep him down, I'm unstoppable, and that worries him. I long for the day I don't have to keep my guard up against him, but I don't know if that day will ever come. In the meantime, I'll just keep fighting and hope that the timeline between him knocking me down and my getting back up continues to shrink. Usually when he kicks my a$s it takes me years to pick myself back up. This time it only took 6 months! Perhaps when it happens again (and I know it will) it will only take 3 months, and on down from there. One thing I know, I'll keep getting up. Just like that gorgeous Paul Newman, I'll be a real Cool Hand, cuz I'll never give up, even if I'm broken and bloody and beat all tohell. I'll never give up on me. I'm way too worth it!