Weight Watchers Update.........We All Fall Down......

Well since getting myself back on track Wednesday September 8 2010 I'm down 9 lbs.  I feel so much better and am happy that for now that evil demon is taking a nap again.  Of course I've got 35 lbs to lose to get back where I was before I jumped off the wagon and got run over!

Yesterday I was standing at my sink washing up some dishes and it occurred to me that we really do ALL fall down at some point and in some area of our lives. For some it's in beating an addiction, or in dealing with relationships, or careers. All of us fall down. Some jump right back up and are good to go for years. Others just keep getting knocked down and getting up like Paul Newman in Cool Hand Luke. As we've all heard so many times, winners get knocked down just like losers, they just get up one more time, or something like that.


It just hit me, when I get knocked off this weight loss train, it isn't a physical problem that knocks me off. The tree branch that sweeps me off my high horse is mental. I've never been too hungry to "do" Weight Watchers. This program, when you eat good, whole, natural food, gives you plenty to eat! I get 29 points a day and sometimes I struggle to get them all in. (I know I know, and don't worry, I'll be down to 23 points soon enough) It's that demon who lives in my head that likes to lay low up the road and ambush me when I least expect it. I've blogged about this before, but that demon is what I have to beat. It isn't losing weight or even keeping it off, it's that mental saboteur that I have got to get a handle on. It affects each and every part of my life and I'm tired of it.

That evil bastard tries to convince me not to ride my horse, he tells me that cooking two seperate meals isn't worth it, he tells me all sorts of annoying stuff to try to derail me because he's afraid of me. On the days I can keep him down, I'm unstoppable, and that worries him. I long for the day I don't have to keep my guard up against him, but I don't know if that day will ever come. In the meantime, I'll just keep fighting and hope that the timeline between him knocking me down and my getting back up continues to shrink. Usually when he kicks my a$s it takes me years to pick myself back up. This time it only took 6 months! Perhaps when it happens again (and I know it will) it will only take 3 months, and on down from there. One thing I know, I'll keep getting up. Just like that gorgeous Paul Newman, I'll be a real Cool Hand, cuz I'll never give up, even if I'm broken and bloody and beat all tohell. I'll never give up on me. I'm way too worth it!



God Bless...

WI Report...........

First things first.........today is my anniversary so if you want to hear about that go to my other blog!

Ok, so things aren't going so well on the healthy front. I really don't even want to talk about it because I know what to do, I'm just not doing it consistently. I was so totally focused on my health and not the scale, and I'm still totally focused on my health and not the number on the scale, but I've been torturing my body lately and I'm not proud of it.

I'm in good spirits for the most part and very thankful that I'm on WW because if I wasn't I'm pretty sure I'd probably have gained 15 lbs by now! I'm still clinging to the wagon with my broken and bloody fingernails, I haven't fallen off totally as yet. I do good for several days, then fall apart for several days, then back to doing good, then fall apart, a terrible vicious cycle.

I've been doing a lot of soul searching trying to figure out why I'm doing this to myself and I'm coming up empty. I love myself, love my body, love my life. I'm not sad or down or depressed, I'm just..............I don't know what I am to tell the truth.

I was on plan (but not eating the best) Sunday - Thursday. Then fell to pieces Friday - Monday. Weighed this morning as I always do on Tuesday, and I was up 4 lbs. I'm at 186, and back on March 2 I was at 180. In between then and now, I've just been going up and down. I'm thinking that the upheaval of pulling The Youngun out of school has gotten me a little derailed. Of course as I stated last week, I've been off track since our kitchen remodel. This is of course just an excuse, but I'm trying to be honest here and figure out what's going on with me. I have to re-commit to taking care of myself each and every day. I started that this morning with a 30 minute jog and I realized how very much I've missed jogging. The Youngun went with me and she just walked/jogged while I jogged along. I'm a slow jogger so this worked out well. I have to remember that I'm worth the extra time it takes me to take care of myself. There's nothing wrong with me taking good care of myself. If I don't take care of me, there won't be anything left to take care of everybody else!

I'm going back to the basics. I'm going to take it one meal at a time. Then I can progress to one day at a time, then one week, then the rest of my life!

Till next time...........I'm trying to be unTHICKINand working on theTHINNIN!