Thursday, July 22, 2010

What's Behind the Blog Move....or My Dark Secrets

As some of you know I've redirected you here because I'm not going to write on my other blog anymore.  One reason is because we aren't homesteading any longer so I don't feel as if I should be blogging under that title but the main reason is a different one and it's the reason I pretty much quit blogging a couple months ago.

My sister (among lots of other young girls, in the family and otherwise) was molested by our maternal grandfather, who will from here on out be referred to as The Molester.  She didn't have clear memories of this until about 6 years ago and then all hell broke loose.  My sister and I are both in our 30's and she is older than me.  This abuse occured before child molestation was a widely known thing.  People just said that The Molester "liked little girls" or was a "dirty old man".  No one thought that he would take it as far as he did I guess.  I don't really know and don't want to get into that aspect of things.  Suffice it to say that he molested her and at least 8 others that we now know of and as soon as my sister began remembering, we cut off all contact with him.  My grandmother stuck by him through it all.  The saddest part is that she wasn't in denial, she knew it happened and acknowledged it happened, she simply said she loved him and wouldn't leave.  It has been hell on earth for my mom because she has lost her family.  Her sister and her brothers (the boys each have a daughter that was molested by him as well) have stuck by him, defended him and offered my mom no support whatsoever.  I have a male cousin that I grew up with and was very close to.  He is the son of my mom's brother and the brother of one of the molested girls, AND he has a daughter of his own to boot.  He has had a hard time with me severing my ties to the family.  I don't hate them, I've forgiven them and know that we all have our demons.  That being said I don't want to hang out with these people.  I don't think God expects me to.  I wish them all the best but I don't want to see them. 

Anyway, once again I'm taking the long way around the trailer park.......He contacted me recently because The Molester passed away.  I don't know if he thought I'd come running or what.  I simply said ok, thanks and I need to call my mom.  I wasn't sad, or broken up.  I don't mess around.  If I wanted to see these people I'd be seeing them, but I don't, therefore no regrets, ya know?  Anyway, he was pretty angry with me and told me that the Bible says to forgive.  I patiently tried to explain to him that I had forgiven, I had no animosity, but I didn't want to be involved with them.  He got mad and hung up. 

Flash forward a few months and he contacted me via facebook.  (I've since disabled that account)  He told me he'd found my website and asked me if I minded if he told "the family" about it.  I said no I didn't mind because I figured what can it hurt?  Immediately I stopped blogging.  Just didn't want to think about them sitting around the computer reading about what I and my family are doing.  Guess I did mind after all huh?  Anyway, then my mom got a letter in the mail from her mother's laywer.  This letter stated that since my mom didn't want anything to do with her "family" they wanted her to sign away her rights to her inheritance.  Did I mention there is a lot of money and land involved?  I firmly believe they have all stuck by The Molester during this mess because they knew they were going to get a financial windfall in the end.  My mom could care less about any money, but boy oh boy was that letter a blow to her.  So much more I could say about this whole situation, but I have to go to the dentist and I'm figuring you maybe didn't want to know all this about me anyway.  That branch of the family is screwed up but they think they are a Norman Rockwell painting and they want the whole world to think so too.  They all go to church, are church leaders and all act like they are the saintliest people on the planet.  FAKE!  The Molester was a total asshole even if you discount the molestation.  He cheated on my grandmother NUMEROUS times, lies, cheats, and steals.  He'd shake your hand while he's robbing you with the other one.  Anyway.........TMI to the extreme right? 

Just wanted to let you know a bit more about the blog move.  They don't know about this one and I'm much more comfortable blogging here without feeling like I'm being "watched"  ;)

To end this crazy tale, my mom's ok, my sister's better than ok, and that's all that matters to me. 

Till next time..........


  1. Sounds to me like you needed to get this "off your chest."

    I don't understand the whole "I love him so I will stand by him" thing. My cousin did the same thing... and now they live in puerto rico so her husband doesn't have to be on the sex offender list. He went to jail, paid his "debt" so to speak and is forgiven. But throughout the whole thing she stuck by him and still does. If my husband ever molested anyone, I would not be able to stay with him. Period.

    Anyway, I think it is good you removed yourself. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

  2. You can forgive and NOT have to be around them! There is absolutely nothing that supports that whe you forget you go back to the way things are.
    Money is something that makes people forget or not care about the innocence of a child that was stolen. That is horrible. But I hope your mom gets what is hers as a Very SMALL atonement at what was done to her family! At least she did the right thing and watched out for her daughters when it came out that something was wrong. Shame on those people that stuck by him. Those poor girls that had to endure being around him after that. I just dont see how someone could hav etolerated living with a monster like that because that is what they are! People use a church to hide a lot of things unfortunately..
    I would completely understand why you wouldnt want them reading your blog. But glad you didnt disappear completely!

  3. You know a bit about the situation we're involved in right now and I agree you can forgive( for yourself as well as for them) and not be involved.

    My parents are very much worshippers of money and covet what others have and we are totally the opposite. I tried to share with my folks that $$ is just a tool, not different in my mindeye than a shovel, ax, pitchfork, etc.... it's used to get a task done. They think that I am nuts, literally! Since they sit and covet possible inheritence they assume that we are doing the very same. I made it as clear as I possible could, without getting mad, rude or meanspirited that they have absolutely nothing I want and they can remove me from their Will. Maybe this will end the countless attacks of how we're plotting to get everything they own*sigh*

    I understand your not wanting them to read your blog, my Dad found my blog, via a family site( my Aunt was so proud of our blog and has been an encouragement for us) immediately he started nit picking my spelling and grammar, so I stopped for a while and them Mike convinced me it was his problem and not mine. I did however ask my Uncle to remove the link to our blog, figuring that he wouldn't know to have it saved on his computer, well I guess he figured it out and he still visits. I thought about a private blog, but it would be such a hassle to invite everyone. I feel like a hyprocrit because most people think everything is okay on The Never Done Farm and that is so far off base it's truly sad. :o(

    Blessings and HUGS,

  4. Oh, Goodwife, big ol' hugs. What a mess.

    My sister and I were talking about this 'forgive and forget' idea and does that work when it comes to molesters and does forget mean that you allow them access?

    My brother molested a younger sister and me when we were little. All of the siblings and my parents know about it. A few limit his access to their kids, most don't. "He was younger then." "It wasn't his fault." "He's repented." "Good Mormon boys don't do that. Are you sure he did what you think he did?"

    He's not allowed around our children, period. I've forgiven him but that doesn't mean that I provide him access to my little girls. Hell to the no.

    And the inheritance issue ... I'm stunned at what money can do to some people.

  5. Oh Goodwife - sometimes I think we were separated at birth. My mother's family has it's demons as well, tho for other reasons. I have cut ties with them several times because I don't agree with their materialistic, Godless style of living, but somehow I get suckered into going back.
    I'm glad you've made this move to protect yourself and your family. Blood is thick, but the blood we share with our children is thicker and as parents we have to protect them from things that we see as a threat to their well being as much as is within our power.
    I am sad to see that you are no longer homesteading as I love to hear about your adventures, but I'll still stop by once in awhile to see what you're up to!
    Life's tough, but you take it like a man - better actually!

  6. Dear GoodWife ~ I am so sorry to hear about this horrible mess in your family. I'm glad to hear your mom and sis are doing better. Sometimes it is good to get things off our chests.

    Forgiving people doesn't mean we have to hang around them at all. No where does God say we have to do that.

    The Bible says, the LOVE of money is the root of all evil. Money can be a tool, but, it can also be a detriment to our health, well-being and relationships.

    Money splits families apart, more than we know. It has done it in our families too. We just stay away from all of them as much as possible, living our own little life, trusting in God to take care of us and work all things out.

    It is nice to see you posting again. I've missed reading about your life, and look forward to hearing about what's going on now, even though you are no longer homesteading.

    Love and hugs ~ FlowerLady

  7. OOoo My. We really are soooo much alike its unreal. I know exactly how you feel and why. I understand that you can and have forgiven but not forgotten. Just because you forgive doesnt mean you have to hang out with people (family or not) you dont care for. I really cant stand FAKE people really cant stand fake church people! We know a few of them too and they think they are soooo better than us, but God knows the real truth and thats all that matters. I was molested...


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