Tuesday, July 20, 2010
The Changes God Brings..........
Whew, it's been a long time. I've got so much to share and don't know if I'm up to sharing any of it. It's all been good stuff, well all but the WW's aspect of things.
Our prayer as a family is always to have open hearts ready to go where God leads us and the courage to follow through. For the past 6 months or so I've been out of sorts, wonky, alternately unhappy, weepy, angry and back again. I thought my PMS had just gotten totally out of hand or that I had a humdinger of a hormone imbalance.
Then one day about 2 months ago it hit me..........I didn't want this lifestyle anymore. I didn't care about my goats, my chickens, my livestock anymore. Didn't have the desire to own them, let alone care for them. I fought this, and I fought it hard. This is who I am, this is a major part of what makes me, ME..........right?? I talked to The Man about this and he in his infinite wisdom said, "Wait two weeks (to be sure it wasn't PMS induced) and then if you still feel that way lets sell 'em." I waited two weeks, then a month and the desire hadn't gone away. I just didn't care anymore and didn't want to do it.
In the meantime The Man has been stressed about work and himself feeling like he wants to chuck it all and move to Florida if only we could win the Lotto! This prompted us to begin seriously thinking about moving to Florida. His company has a division in Pensacola and he could probably get transferred. That prompted a discussion about leaving his current job (which he actually really loves) and our families and we decided what if we just downsized and stayed in this basic area? What if we sold our place, bought a nice little house in town that was a whole heck of a lot cheaper and only had our dogs to worry about? We could go to Florida three weeks a year and take weekend trips besides if we didn't have this place tying us down. That sounded like a dream come true, so guess what? I'm out of the homesteading business. I sold all my rabbits, all my chickens, most of my goats. All I have out there now is my old horse Champ and my two older doe goats. The girls will stay until we move and then they'll go to my dear goaty friend Rhonda. Can I tell you how great I feel? Can I tell you it feels as if a weight I didn't even know I was carrying has been lifted off me? I've done some heavy soul searching and I've discovered that I haven't wanted this for quite some time. I was keeping it up because I liked the reaction I'd get when folks found out how we lived. How sad is that? Pathetic really....
Anyway, The Man is thrilled as well because he never wanted this life. He did it out of love for me. I never had any idea how much he didn't want it, until I said I was done, such a good, loving man have I. He never complains EVER and he's never once said to me, no we don't need to do this, or I don't want to do this. He's bent over backwards to make me happy, and now it's my turn to make HIM happy and I'm so excited about that!
So where are we now? Well I've cleaned and tossed and organized and that feels wonderful as well. We've hauled three truck loads of schtuff to the auction (and made over 700 bucks to boot!) a great big load of scrap, and another load of trash. Every piece of carp I give away, sell, or throw away is another weight lifting off. We finished the kitchen (and it looks faboo!) and the realtor is coming tomorrow to put the ole' homestead on the market. We continue to pray for God's direction and guidance and know that He won't steer us wrong. Even if it isn't God's plan for us to sell this place right away, we feel better not having the expense and responsibility of 11 goats, 12 rabbits, and 40 chickens!
I've got some weight and food related stuff to blog about, but I'll save that for another day.
God Bless you all, and may you open your hearts to His direction and have the courage to follow where He leads you, it's sometimes scary, maybe even rough and rocky, but He'll always lead you through!
Till next time.......