Weight Watchers Update.........We All Fall Down......

Well since getting myself back on track Wednesday September 8 2010 I'm down 9 lbs.  I feel so much better and am happy that for now that evil demon is taking a nap again.  Of course I've got 35 lbs to lose to get back where I was before I jumped off the wagon and got run over!

Yesterday I was standing at my sink washing up some dishes and it occurred to me that we really do ALL fall down at some point and in some area of our lives. For some it's in beating an addiction, or in dealing with relationships, or careers. All of us fall down. Some jump right back up and are good to go for years. Others just keep getting knocked down and getting up like Paul Newman in Cool Hand Luke. As we've all heard so many times, winners get knocked down just like losers, they just get up one more time, or something like that.


It just hit me, when I get knocked off this weight loss train, it isn't a physical problem that knocks me off. The tree branch that sweeps me off my high horse is mental. I've never been too hungry to "do" Weight Watchers. This program, when you eat good, whole, natural food, gives you plenty to eat! I get 29 points a day and sometimes I struggle to get them all in. (I know I know, and don't worry, I'll be down to 23 points soon enough) It's that demon who lives in my head that likes to lay low up the road and ambush me when I least expect it. I've blogged about this before, but that demon is what I have to beat. It isn't losing weight or even keeping it off, it's that mental saboteur that I have got to get a handle on. It affects each and every part of my life and I'm tired of it.

That evil bastard tries to convince me not to ride my horse, he tells me that cooking two seperate meals isn't worth it, he tells me all sorts of annoying stuff to try to derail me because he's afraid of me. On the days I can keep him down, I'm unstoppable, and that worries him. I long for the day I don't have to keep my guard up against him, but I don't know if that day will ever come. In the meantime, I'll just keep fighting and hope that the timeline between him knocking me down and my getting back up continues to shrink. Usually when he kicks my a$s it takes me years to pick myself back up. This time it only took 6 months! Perhaps when it happens again (and I know it will) it will only take 3 months, and on down from there. One thing I know, I'll keep getting up. Just like that gorgeous Paul Newman, I'll be a real Cool Hand, cuz I'll never give up, even if I'm broken and bloody and beat all tohell. I'll never give up on me. I'm way too worth it!



God Bless...

Falling Off the Wagon and Rolling Down the Hill..........Or What I did For Summer Vacation

Since March 3, 2010 I've been on a roller coaster ride of my own making. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't sometimes fun, alternating with scary, back to fun, and then to what the holy chopsticks am I doing? Things didn't get really bad until May 18, 2010 when I wrote in the notes section of my points tracker that I felt unsettled, like I was at a crossroads in my life and The Paintiff felt it too. That was my last weigh in until this morning. I've been a baaad baaad girl. As I stated in the title, I fell off the wagon. Let's be frank here folks, I jumped off the wagon of my own free will and with wildly gleeful abandon I did a graceful tuck and roll then slalomed down that hill with a wild rebel yell echoing round! I knew what I was doing and did it anyway.

For the past few days I've been feeling the urge to catch up to the wagon and pull myself back on. As I was tooling around last night on the lawnmower with my iPod singing to me about Carolina in my Mind, I was having yet another discussion with myself about what I wanted to do. Did I want to rejoin the WW'ers train, was I ready? Or was I having way too much fun riding with the James gang (haha, get it, I was just singing along with James Taylor), robbing pastry trucks and stuffing my face? Hmmm, I have been having fun. There I said it, I don't feel bad, I'm not beating myself up, I'm not mad at myself or anything. I suppose that indicates that I've got deeper problems than I think I do, but it did hit me, my moment of epiphany............it doesn't matter if I WANT to. It doesn't matter if this is more fun. I've got it to do. Like going to the dentist, or saints preserve us the gynecologist, I have to do this. Being overweight isn't good for me, just like ovarian cancer or rotted teeth aren't good for me, so I have to do this.

So I'm sure the question of the day is this........how much damage did ya do Goodwife? How much weight did your wonderful spree of childish wanton-ness cost you? Wait.....do ya really, really wanna know? Really?? Ok, I'm up 27 lbs. Yup, I had lost 49 and now I've gained 27. But guess what? I'm still me. I'm still beautiful, funny and fabulous. My husband still loves me and can't wait to get me nekkid. My daughter loves me and my friends love me and most importantly I still love me. Ya wanna know why? Because this is part of who I am. Just like having hazel eyes, brown hair, a pointy chin, being a good listener and wicked funny in a mean way, struggling with weight is part of what makes me me. Therefore if I love me, I have to love all of me including my weaknesses.

I'm back. Is it for good? Who knows! I'd like to think that one day I'll beat this thing. Maybe this time I'll actually make it to goal. Wonder of wonders, maybe one day I'll make it to goal and manage to stay there for more than 5 minutes! I don't know what the future will bring. I only know this.........God loves me, I love me, and my family loves me, through thick or thin, bad or good, and when it's all said and done, I want it to say on my tombstone that I was a good wife, a great mother and a trusted friend. I don't think it will say what I weighed!

Till next time.......

Half-assin' It!

I've been half-assin' and not even assin' it since March.  MARCH!  Good grief, three months wasted.  Moving on though........if this is for the rest of my life then three months ain't gonna amount to a hill a beans!  Kit's got me motivated and I went for a jog this morning.  25 minutes of pure sweaty bliss.  Why do I not do this at least three days a week?  It never ceases to amaze me that good habits take FOREVER to get a foothold while bad ones are always waiting to creep up behind you and whack you over the head! 

I've been doin' some heavy duty re-evaluating in my life and I've decided to downsize on the ole' homestead a bit.  I'm selling off all my kids from this year and will only keep my two older does, my buck, and his wether.  That will have me down to 4 goats from 11 and that will be awesome.  I also have quit milking for right now so all I have to worry about is my big ole' garden.  I love my life and I love what I do, but I'm easily overwhelmed.  I have to cut something out and I don't want it to be my health goals!  I'm also downsizing my chicken herd (yes I know it's supposed to be flock) to around 10 to 15 hens.  I've got over 45 now! 

I told The Man yesterday I don't think I'll ever win this war.  Not ever.........that's a defeatist attitude and that's not me.  I may never fully win the war, but if I lay down and quit then I'll for sure never win right?  Right now I feel strong and ready to kick ass!  KICK ASS BABY!  Today was a runnin' day, tomorrow I'll bust out some 80lb squats, push ups, and hit the punchin' bag.  I want this...........I WANT THIS!

Look out, cuz the Goodwife is bringin' her A game.............

till next time........I'm unTHICKINandsoTHINNIN!

Well well well............

Weigh in this morning I was up again.  Total weight gained from my two month sabbatical from living right.......11.6 lbs.  Am I proud of myself?  Nope, but I'm not going to beat myself up either.  As my WW buddies say, it's a marathon, or it's a war not a battle.  I'm back on the train, back to feeling centered, back to wanting to be healthy. 

I'm lifting again, and running again and it feels good.

There are five kids in my dad's family.  In this picture they are from left to right.....Baby Bro, my Dad, Girl 2, Girl 3, and Girl 1

My dad is the oldest, then the three girls, then his baby brother.  Baby Bro had a heart attack Sunday night, he's isn't even 50 yet.  Girl 1 has a multitude of health problems, Girl 2 had bipass surgery last summer, Girl 3 needs knee surgery on both knees, and my dad is a mess from top to bottom with diabetes, high blood pressure, and he's had 2 back surgeries.  They are all (with the exception of girl 2) more than 100 lbs overweight.  I love them all so very much and I don't want this to be me.  It will NOT be me.  I'm still healthy and I intend to stay that way!

Till next time.....I'm fighting the fight, and I'm going back to walking the walk, till I'm once again unTHICKINand soTHINNIN!

WI report...........

Tuesday morning I got on the scale and was down 2.8lbs! Yippe! Actually I'm more thrilled that I tracked every single day last week from Tuesday to Tuesday. This is a very busy time of year for me and will be from now until about October or so which makes it a little harder, though that's just an excuse I know!

On Saturday morning I ran a full two miles in 28 minutes and was oh so very proud of myself.  I know it's really slow, but still I was super psyched!  LOL


Getting back to the basics of WW really helped me and I'm so thankful that I was able to make it a full week OP.

Things are good, I feel good and look forward to this week.
Till next time.........I'm unTHICKINandsoTHINNIN!

WI Report...........

First things first.........today is my anniversary so if you want to hear about that go to my other blog!

Ok, so things aren't going so well on the healthy front. I really don't even want to talk about it because I know what to do, I'm just not doing it consistently. I was so totally focused on my health and not the scale, and I'm still totally focused on my health and not the number on the scale, but I've been torturing my body lately and I'm not proud of it.

I'm in good spirits for the most part and very thankful that I'm on WW because if I wasn't I'm pretty sure I'd probably have gained 15 lbs by now! I'm still clinging to the wagon with my broken and bloody fingernails, I haven't fallen off totally as yet. I do good for several days, then fall apart for several days, then back to doing good, then fall apart, a terrible vicious cycle.

I've been doing a lot of soul searching trying to figure out why I'm doing this to myself and I'm coming up empty. I love myself, love my body, love my life. I'm not sad or down or depressed, I'm just..............I don't know what I am to tell the truth.

I was on plan (but not eating the best) Sunday - Thursday. Then fell to pieces Friday - Monday. Weighed this morning as I always do on Tuesday, and I was up 4 lbs. I'm at 186, and back on March 2 I was at 180. In between then and now, I've just been going up and down. I'm thinking that the upheaval of pulling The Youngun out of school has gotten me a little derailed. Of course as I stated last week, I've been off track since our kitchen remodel. This is of course just an excuse, but I'm trying to be honest here and figure out what's going on with me. I have to re-commit to taking care of myself each and every day. I started that this morning with a 30 minute jog and I realized how very much I've missed jogging. The Youngun went with me and she just walked/jogged while I jogged along. I'm a slow jogger so this worked out well. I have to remember that I'm worth the extra time it takes me to take care of myself. There's nothing wrong with me taking good care of myself. If I don't take care of me, there won't be anything left to take care of everybody else!

I'm going back to the basics. I'm going to take it one meal at a time. Then I can progress to one day at a time, then one week, then the rest of my life!

Till next time...........I'm trying to be unTHICKINand working on theTHINNIN!

Little By Little............

I'm making my way back! Down 2.2 at WI today, that means 2 lbs to go to get back where I was before my 5 lb gain of two weeks ago. I've had 3 OP days and that in itself feels wonderful! I'm so very thankful to all my buddies that are so supportive, loving, encouraging, and just downright awesome folks who I feel blessed to know!

It's said so much but it's so true together we CAN do this!!!

Till next time...........I'm unTHICKINandohsoTHINNIN

Well, well, well........

I'd like to report that Saturday was a good day, food choice wise, but it wasn't!  Lets just say that I ended the glut-fest by eating Mexican food with Mr. Neighbor, and soon to be Mrs. Neighbor.  Mr Neighbor and soon to be Mrs. Neighbor are more than 10 years younger than us.  We get along well with them though, and decided to go see the movie The Bounty Hunter.  Before going to the movie we went and ate at the local Mexican restaurant.  The Man had cheese fries, cuz he doesn't "do" ethnic food.  He didn't like the cheese fries either, poor guy, cuz it was different kind of cheese they put on them.  Anywho, the movie was fantastically funny and I laughed myself silly.  We are for sure buying it on DVD when it comes out.  It was a fun evening, but another terrible eating day for me. 

On a bright note though, I got up this morning and The Man and I went for a 40 minute walk in the brisk cold!  I did my 200 crunches and am totally OP so far. 

Never fear dear ones, I'll battle myself back, it's just a process right now.  Right now I'm hunkered down in the trenches, and my demon is taking pot shots at me continually.  I've taken quite a few hits, lost some blood, but infection isn't setting in and moral is still high.  I'm still ok, and soon the tide will turn back in my favor.  I'm not giving in, or giving up and that's the biggest part of the battle!

Till next time..........I'm unTHICKINandsoTHINNIN!

I'm back..........

I've decided I'm going to start posting here again cuz I need it for therapy and cuz I don't want to overwhelm anybody on my other blog with my craziness!

To be totally honest with myself, I've been off track since our home remodel, way back on February 18th or 19th. That's a month that I've been off track. Not seriously, totally, wildly off track, but a day here, or a couple days there. It's keeping me from losing and it's scaring me. The rationalizations I'm giving myself are tenfold and silly, such as........You're a homesteader, homestead women are plump and sturdy........or........you're a stay at home mom and should be nice and fluffy like Mrs. Clause.........RIDICULOUS!!!! The things that my demon trys to convince me of.

Anyway, I'm going back to ridin' the horse that got me here. I'm going back to blogging about my feelings and my weight loss, even if I've really got nothing to say. That's why I quit blogging about it, I was cocky and over confident and felt like I had nothing to report. Well God has slapped me down and let me know that I'm soooo not in control, not at all!! I'm also going back to running and taking time off from lifting weights. Now I know that I blogged all the time about how much I loved lifting weights, and I did and do love it. However, it dramatically slowed my weight loss and that part I didn't like so much, so I think I got discouraged and started letting my old behaviors creep back in. Not good when you've got the food issues that I've got. I'm also recommitting myself to the crunch challenge. I was feeling lean and strong when I was doing 200 crunches a day, and my back didn't hurt at all! I haven't consistently done them in a month and my back is telling me about it. I'm also going to do one more thing that sort of makes me feel like a quitter, but I feel like it's something I need to do. I'm changing my goal weight to 160 lbs. Once I get to 160 then I'm going to concentrate on keeping myself under 161 lbs, without putting myself on maintenance. If I can lose more then that's good but my goal will just be to not gain!!!

So that's where I'm at! I'm ok, still feel good, still love myself, haven't spiraled into the pit of depression or despair. I'm just recommitting myself to making every bite count nutritionally, and if it ain't bringing something to the table in regards to my health, I'm not going to eat it. I had really slacked on that part of things and that makes me mad at myself.

To sum up........I'm worth it, I love myself, I'm strong, determined, and fabulous. I'm a warrior and I'm strapping on my armor once again, can you hear me roaring??

Till next time..............I'm back to unTHICKINandsoreadytobeTHINNIN!

God bless!

Thickin and Thinnin Update......

K, so I mentioned over at my other blog that I was going to start posting everything here to simplify things. On my WI on Tuesday I was up 2.6 lbs, which wasn't near as bad as it could've been considering my week last week. I haven't gotten started back with working out this week after taking last week off due to our remodel. Now I have a bladder infection (silly Goodwife, drinking that nasty soda!!) and just don't feel good at all, so the workout will have to wait till I'm feeling better. I'm back on the straight and narrow with eating clean though so that feels good!

Till next time.........I'm unTHICKINandsoTHINNIN!

So...........

Tomorrow is WI and I'm fully expecting a gain.  Possibly a big gain!  Having my kitchen torn up for a week wasn't exactly conducive to healthy eating.  We ate lots of processed food, and we ate out A LOT!  I've been eating sweets and junk and drinking soda which by the way has given me a raging bladder infection!  Oh the things we do to ourselves! 

I've tracked most every day, but not every day and I've been eating far over my daily points values for the past 4 days.  This is the first time I've done this since beginning WW in July.  I'm ok, not frustrated, or feeling like I've fallen off the wagon.  Life does happen after all and as long as I get right back on track, there is no real harm done.  The harm is in not getting straightened back out.  TOM is knocking at the back door as well and that doesn't help matters any, so be prepared for me to report a hefty gain in the morning! 

I start back in with my New Rules of Lifting tomorrow, after taking all of last week off (my week starts on Tuesday in case you didn't know, because that's my weigh day) so that will help get me back on track as well.

I hope you are all well, fit and faboo and if you've strayed off the straight and narrow path a little bit, take me hand and we'll get back right together!

Till next time........I'm unTHICKINandsoTHINNIN!

PS.........this will be the last post at this blog site, from now on I'm going to post my weight loss adventures over at http://www.goodwifefarm.com/ since that's my main blog. 

Whew.....Busy, busy, busy!

The man is on vacation this week, and if you are interested in what we've been doing, you can go here, http://www.goodwifefarm.com/

I was down 8/10 of a pound on Tuesday so I'm at 181 lbs right now.  That's 48 lbs down and close to 50 lbs gone (tee hee, I'm such a math wizard)

I haven't worked out this week because of what we've got going on (see above link) but I'm feeling good!

I'm very seriously considering combining this blog with my main blog.  Please let me know in the comments section if this would bother you readers.  I tag all my posts, so if I did this and you didn't want to read my day to day homesteading activities you could just click on the posts with the WW or weight loss label. 

I hope you are all well, fit and fabulous!

Till next time...........I'm unTHICKINandsoTHINNIN!

WI today.................

I'm down 8/10 of a pound and still feeling fab! I know that I'm starting to whip this demon because I have nothing to blog about! I'm blogging almost daily on my farm blog http://www.goodwifefarm.com/ and have nothing to say on my Thickin and Thinnin blog. This is actually a really good thing. Last week I ate at Long John Silvers and Subway and didn't feel even a tiny bit of guilt. I was hungry, I ate, I tracked and that was that. It's very freeing and I wish I had words to describe how I feel. I'm so thankful to God for sending me to WW. I feel like a normal person. I'm not the least bit freaked out or obsessed or even concerned with what I weigh. I track, eat clean and healthy, and work out. Weighing myself is seriously almost an afterthought. It's hard to describe. I know that my weight will continue to go down, but I'm just living ya know? I have no idea how to articulate how I feel, but it's good and I'm thankful.

Here's wishing you success and happiness in life and don't forget to ask God for direction, He'll never steer you wrong!!

Till next time.........I'm stillunTHICKINandsoTHINNIN!

ps.......I'm teaching myself to sew and I made the blouse I'm wearing in this picture! ;)

WI........

This morning I got on the scale and I'm down another 2.2 lbs!  Yaaay me!  I took all last week off from working out to let my body rest and recover so that I'm ready to begin Stage 2 of New Rules.  That's what I do today and I'm excited.  It's a new sequence of exercises with several new exercises in there as well.  My body is fitter and tighter than it's ever been, and I feel great.  I really don't have much to report, things are going great and I couldn't be happier with the WW program.  I may at some point in the future consolidate this blog with my main farm blog, but I haven't decided yet. 

Hope you are all well, fit, and fabulous! 

Till next time...........I'm unTHICKINandsoTHINNIN!

29 Weeks on WW and the end of Stage 1..........

I've been on WW for 29 weeks now.  When I weighed this morning I was up 4/10 of a pound.  TOM has his toe on the scale so it's all good.  I feel thin and trim, strong and lean, fit and fabulous! 

I'm also done with Stage 1 of New Rules of Lifting for Women.  I'll take this week off and then begin Stage 2 next Tuesday.  I'm so happy with the first 8 weeks of training that I've done with this program.  I can't wait to begin Stage 2 which lasts three weeks. 

I really don't have much to report!  I hope you are all doing great as well!

Till next time........I'm gettinfitandunTHICKINandleansexyunTHINNIN!

So in the last 4 weeks, I've lost 1.4 lbs. The month before that I lost 8.8 lbs. What's up with that you are asking? Well I'm pretty sure it's from the heavy weight lifting program that I'm doing. I refuse to be discouraged by it. As I've stated so many many times, this is a lifelong quest, not a mini-sprint! I'm working the program, working out hard, and the weight will come off when it comes off. I'm getting tighter and more toned every day and am healthier than I've ever been. It feels good. My husband (who is my best friend for good reason) told me last night that eventually the loss will pick back up. Right now I'm building muscle that is going to make me a lean, mean, fat burnin' machine! He said it might even be summer before the loss picks back up, but that's ok, as long as I'm working the program and working out. AND HE'S RIGHT! It doesn't matter! I won't lie and say that I wasn't disappointed this morning when I got on the scale and saw that the 6/10 of a pound I lost last week was back. I was a little bit down, but it's all part of it. I was fully prepared for this to happen when I began the New Rules of Lifting for Women program.

Anywho....I'm feelin' good, feelin' fit, feelin' fabulous! I've included a picture from when I first began my journey on July 7, 2009 and then a picture taken last night. Click on it to see a bigger version!

My stats are as follows

July 7, 2009

weight 229

waist 37.5

hips 48

arms 17

thighs 29

bust 43

January 12, 2010

weight 187.6

waist 32

hips 42

arms 14.5

thighs 25.5

bust 39.75

So till next time..........I'm stillunTHICKINandsoTHINNIN!

Generic Cigarettes and Diet Food.........

Hmmm, you may be asking yourself what in the hell generic cigarettes and diet food have in common..........well I'm just so glad you asked, cuz I'm gonna' tell you!

This evenin' as I was gettin' ready to go feed my critters I decided to feed myself with a 1 ounce hunk of super sharp cheddar cheese. I love super sharp chedder, the sharper and stinkier the better! I was enjoying every creamy tangy bite as I put on my chorin' clothes and headed out the back door. As I was pouring boiling water over my rabbits frozen dishes, I started to think about my hubs and when he used to smoke. When we got married hubby smoked Marlboro Reds in a Box, thank you very much. Not in a soft pack, not Kings, not 100's and certainly not Lights!! After we had been married for a couple months, the price on Marlboro Reds in a Box, thank you very much, went up to the astronomical price of $2.10 a pack! Oh the horror! (Yes I know they are like 5 bucks a pack now) Hubby told me he was quitting, weren't no way he was gonna' pay that for smokes. And just like that he quit.........that was close to 14 years ago and he's never smoked since. His parents urged him not to quit, just to switch brands. Smoke generics they ever so helpfully told him! He said, and I quote "If I can't afford to smoke Marlboro Reds in a box (thank you very much), then I won't smoke a'tall. And by crappy, he hasn't smoked a'tall!

I feel the same way about diet food. Not about the money part, but if I can't afford the points to eat the real stuff (ie, cheese, milk, whathaveyou) then I ain't a gonna' eat it a'tall! I eat full fat cheese, sour cream, cream cheese, whole milk. If I can't have the "good stuff" then I'll just stay away. I don't want to be able to eat MORE, thereby eating imitation everything. Give me real food or give me death, that's what I say!

Till next time.........I'm unTHICKINandsoTHINNIN! and eating full fat dairy products, and NO low-fat, fat-free, sugar-free, subsitute food!

Today's WI day!

I weigh myself every Tuesday. I'm prompted to do this by my online WW tracker and it reminds me to weigh (as if I needed a reminder) and asks me if I did it, or if I want to do it later. I weigh first thing in the morning, after a potty break, and sans clothing! This morning I was down .6 pound. I think that's 6/10 of a pound, but I'm no math wizard! I do know that it's a LOSS and that's what matters. The scale is still traveling in the right direction and I'm happy about that!

I did my 4th week of Stage 1 today with the New Rules of Lifting for Women. Today was a "B" day. The "B" day consists of Deadlifts, Dumbbell shoulder presses, Wide grip lat pulldowns (which I have to modify cuz I don't have a lat pulldown machine) Lunges, and Swiss-ball crunches.

I'm doing 75 lbs on my deadlifts, 20 lbs on the dumbbell shoulder presses (that's a 20lb dumbbell in each hand) 10 lbs on my modified lat pulldowns, 5 lb dumbbells in each hand for my lunges (oooh how those suckers hurt) and then of course the swiss-ball crunches which are a walk in the park due to my 200 crunches a day challenge! I'm feeling good and strong, fit and fabulous!

Thursday I do the "A" day workout and will post the weights that I'm using then. Somebody jokingly asked me if I was going to videotape my workouts to encourage others, and I really think I might. It will be the weekend before I do it though, because I'll have to have Hubs help me!

Till next time......I hope you are all feeling lean, mean, strong and tough!! I'm still here, unTHICKINandsoTHINNIN!

P!ssed Off and Mad About It.........

I'm mad today. Very very mad today. Actually have been since yesterday. As some of you may know the evil TOM affects me in different ways. The last two months he really didn't bother me at all. That always sends up alarm bells in my head, cause I know that sooner or later it will be awful. Well sooner or later is here. I am so furious that I feel as if I'm full of bouncing balls and they are pinging around inside my skin trying to get out. Notice that I didn't say that I was angry. Anger is a nice quiet civilized emotion. No, what I am is mad, p!$$ed off. I want to hurt somebody. I want to punch with my fists, kick with my feet, and lash out with the sharp sword of my tongue. I can be so very very mean when I feel like this. I'm a very direct person (I know, news to you right) but my directness is usually filtered by my genuine compassion and empathy for people. Not so when I feel this way. I've ripped that compassion filter to shreds and am standing here snarling, just daring anybody to mess with me. The mental picture that I have of myself is of a Tigress, pacing, pacing, pacing, growling, growling, growling.

There is a silver lining to this disturbed little narrative though. Two silver linings actually. Ok, if you prefer, a platinum lining (this one I've know for as long as I can remember) and a silver lining that's quite new and very nice. The platinum lining is this..........God loves me even when I'm a psychotic b!t'ch. He knows me, and He loves me, and I can call on His strength and His love to calm me down. I try to visualize the white light of His love and I picture myself inhaling it every time I breathe in, and exhaling the blackness that is my rage. This actually helps me. The silver lining is this: even though I'd like to take the person who decided there needed to be a stoplight just before and just after the railroad tracks in Carlinville and bash their head against the sidewalk until their brains splatter out, I don't want to eat! Whoo hoo! I'm p!$$ed off and mad about it, but I have no desire to stuff that emotion with food and that's a victory in itself.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go whip somebody's @$$, punch an old lady in the face, steal a quarter from a kindergartener, and possibly kick a puppy. C-ya!

Till next time.......I'm seriouslyunbalancedandunTHICKINandcheckinintotheboobyhatchTHINNIN!

ps.....blogging is fabulous and I already feel calmer and more centered, so please put down the phone. You don't have to call the guys in the white suits!

An NSV....post one of probably alot of blog posts this morning!

So it's a balmy 16 degrees here in Illinois. What a fabulous day to run outside! LOL! Got my long john's on, my workout pants on over those, my thermal shirt, sweat shirt, stocking hat, and my gloves and I'm ready to boogie! Did my warmup walk, started running for all I was worth.....Uh oh....something's wrong....I'm feeling a draft....on my bum....GOOD GRIEF, I'M SO FAST I'M RUNNING OUT OF MY DRAWERS!! Yup, I had to slow my speed literally every TEN SECONDS to pull up my pants, or they would've been around my ankles! Such a lovely NSV, and a reminder that when you are on WW's you've got to buy pants that TIE!

Till next time.....I'm very much unTHICKINandsototallyTHINNIN!!