Not Self Sufficient......God Reliant!

So before, in IL we always wanted to be self sufficient and self reliant.  We loved our Jesus, and we thought we were serving Him.  As a matter of fact, had someone tried to tell me that we weren't doing all we could for the Lord, I would have given them an ear-full! 

However, that said, and if anyone remembers God had been telling us for over 2 years that He wanted us to do something else and we weren't listening.  We said, nope, he's been at this job for 9 years!  The health insurance!  The vacation time!  The 401K!!!  Our house, our garden, our fruit trees, our barns!!

Well fast forward to the months after The Man lost his job and we really started to figure out what it means to trust in the Lord.  See before, we wanted to trust God and we thought we did, and we probably did, just not enough.  The job was our security, the health insurance and the home.  That isn't where true security comes from!!  True, peaceful security comes from our Heavenly Father and NOWHERE else.

God led us to Montana, which was a fantastic adventure, and then He led us back to KY.  After being back in KY for a year and living next door to The Man's sister, we were praying hard for a place to call our own.  The bankruptcy made it impossible to get a mortgage and it looked as if we were a long way out from our own place.  We prayed and looked, and looked and prayed, and none of the houses we looked at would work out.  We went to the bank, they told us to get a credit card to rebuild our credit.......ah, no thanks!  There was a little house trailer for sale about 2 miles over from where we were living.  It was on the highway and looked pretty run down.  We must have driven past it dozens of times and saw the for sale by owner sign.  We would say, no, we don't want it, it's on the highway, it's too small, too old, too shabby, whatever.  One Sunday before church, I was looking on C/L for places for sale by owner.  That little place was on there with some pictures of the inside.  I thought, hmm, I could make this work!  We decided to email about the ad and lay it all out on the line.  I sent an email asking if they would consider owner financing with a generous down payment.  Off we went to church........and when we got home there was an email from the owner.  He said he would do an owner finance and would we like to look at the property that afternoon?  We met him over there on Sunday afternoon and to our surprise the little house trailer came with 3.2 acres of land!  We stood in the driveway and talked to the owner for over an hour, mostly about God!  He shook our hands, told us he'd never done an owner finance before, but said he felt that it was what he was supposed to do!  We closed on the house, signed papers at his attorney's and took possession that Thursday, 4 days after first looking at the place.

It is amazing how things fall RIGHT INTO PLACE when you are truly where God wants you to be....... 

Until next time........I remain yours in Christ,

Weight Watchers Update.........We All Fall Down......

Well since getting myself back on track Wednesday September 8 2010 I'm down 9 lbs.  I feel so much better and am happy that for now that evil demon is taking a nap again.  Of course I've got 35 lbs to lose to get back where I was before I jumped off the wagon and got run over!

Yesterday I was standing at my sink washing up some dishes and it occurred to me that we really do ALL fall down at some point and in some area of our lives. For some it's in beating an addiction, or in dealing with relationships, or careers. All of us fall down. Some jump right back up and are good to go for years. Others just keep getting knocked down and getting up like Paul Newman in Cool Hand Luke. As we've all heard so many times, winners get knocked down just like losers, they just get up one more time, or something like that.


It just hit me, when I get knocked off this weight loss train, it isn't a physical problem that knocks me off. The tree branch that sweeps me off my high horse is mental. I've never been too hungry to "do" Weight Watchers. This program, when you eat good, whole, natural food, gives you plenty to eat! I get 29 points a day and sometimes I struggle to get them all in. (I know I know, and don't worry, I'll be down to 23 points soon enough) It's that demon who lives in my head that likes to lay low up the road and ambush me when I least expect it. I've blogged about this before, but that demon is what I have to beat. It isn't losing weight or even keeping it off, it's that mental saboteur that I have got to get a handle on. It affects each and every part of my life and I'm tired of it.

That evil bastard tries to convince me not to ride my horse, he tells me that cooking two seperate meals isn't worth it, he tells me all sorts of annoying stuff to try to derail me because he's afraid of me. On the days I can keep him down, I'm unstoppable, and that worries him. I long for the day I don't have to keep my guard up against him, but I don't know if that day will ever come. In the meantime, I'll just keep fighting and hope that the timeline between him knocking me down and my getting back up continues to shrink. Usually when he kicks my a$s it takes me years to pick myself back up. This time it only took 6 months! Perhaps when it happens again (and I know it will) it will only take 3 months, and on down from there. One thing I know, I'll keep getting up. Just like that gorgeous Paul Newman, I'll be a real Cool Hand, cuz I'll never give up, even if I'm broken and bloody and beat all tohell. I'll never give up on me. I'm way too worth it!



God Bless...

May First..........

I've been struggling for almost two months now.  I don't want to struggle with this anymore.  Of course I don't want to have food issues at all, so I suppose that's neither here nor there.  I have been so tired and miserable the past few weeks.  I know it is because of what I'm eating and the fact that I'm not working out.  I don't lead a sedentary lifestyle.  Nobody who lives on a homestead does, but working out, running and lifting weights gives me energy!  I've just been a mess.  So tired and run down.  I know it's my lack of exercise and my food choices catching up to me.  I don't want to be tired anymore and since I'm fortunate in being able to correct the problem, I'm going to! 

This morning I was checking my email and my blogs.  Carrie over at Farming on Faith had this post this morning.  As you know in my profile I state that I try to live my life as a Proverbs 31 woman.  There were two parts of this post that really struck me this morning.  This is the first part.  Bold italics is the Bible verse, normal italics is what Carrie wrote.

17 She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.

* She puts on that exercise DVD she bought at Walmart and actually does it! OUCH

She tries to stay healthy for the well being of her family. Every time she fails in this area ~she starts back again. Ok~give yourself another pat on the back here. I feel your pain. Seriously~ we don't feel well when we neglect our physical body. We can't be all we need to be for the Lord if we are not taking care of ourselves. Ouch again!

The second part was this.....

26  She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.

* Even when she has PMS she is nice and kind. Even when she has over scheduled
herself again she doesn't make her family pay for it. Ouch again! OK~you might need a nap or two to get this one accomplished. I give you permission to take a power nap. It does a world of good!

Boy howdy!  I needed to hear that this morning.  I went right out and lifted weights.  I know it will make me feel better.  I have to get back on track because the abuse that I'm heaping on my body is sapping the energy I need to be a shining light for Jesus. 

Also......anybody who knows me knows that PMS is something I really struggle with.  I totally understand why they used to make women go sit in a hut alone for 3 days.  It would be safer for everybody if my family would make me do that!

Anyway........right now I'm losing the battle, but the tide is turning and I'll never ever give up.  One battle lost does not lose the war! 

Till next time...........I'm fighting to be unTHICKINand trying to be THINNIN!

Struggles...............

I've been struggling since early March.  I have good days and bad days.  I'm not entirely sure what is going on. 

I'm not a good multi-tasker.  I have to single-mindedly focus on something in order for it to work.  I think part of my trouble is trying to fit the healthly, fitness buff, body conscience persona in with the homesteading pioneer girl that is the real me.  I just don't equate canning, sewing, gardening, and soap making, with running, lifting weights, and losing weight.  This is a problem in my own perceptions that I have to overcome.  I can be anybody that I want to be.  I can fit all of those things together, I've just got to figure out how. 

When I joined WW back in July, I focused on it 100%.  Everything else suffered.  I didn't do any homemaking/homesteading stuff with the exception of milking from that point on.  My gardening and canning even suffered.  I just can't focus on more than one thing at a time.  Now I want to focus on my homesteading again, and in turn my weight loss is suffering.  Once again, I know this is my own problem.  I have to figure out how to stop the single track that is my mind and get some parallel tracks going!  I just have to change internally to allow this to happen.  I'm sitting here right now eating about my 400th chocolate sandwich cookie with a mug of milk.  Why am I doing this?  I have no idea.  I'm certainly not hungry.  I don't feel sad, or down or anything, but the cookies are there and I have this terrible compulsion to eat them.  I have to stop this madness!  I'm not sure if I'm afraid to lose more weight?  Perhaps that could be it, although I've been thinner than this before.  I'm back to feeling like I have to eat, when I know I don't.  I'm not eating my veggies and whole grains and fruits and I'm feeling it in my energy level.  I haven't exercised for 2 weeks and I'm feeling that as well.  I haven't blogged about it because I felt like what was the point.  I know what to do, I'm just not doing it.  I know myself well enough to know that until I get my head on straight, no amount of tough talk is going to get me right again.  There are no words that can come from someone else, it has to come from within me.  I've got to get the desire back.  I've got to want it and for whatever reason, I don't want it right now. 

I've been thinking about it a great deal.  God gives us all a cross to bear, something we struggle with.  I'm thankful this is my struggle.  It could be so much more.  It could be a sick child, or a failed marriage.  It could be an addiction to drugs or alcohol.  It could be that I were a sex offender, or a child predator, or an out of control gambler, or a murder.  It could be so much more.  What it is is this......I like food.  I like the way it tastes, the way it smells, and the way it looks.  I like to prepare it and I like to eat it.  I like these things a little too much and get obsessive about food at times.  God made me.  He knows this about me.  I've got to give it to Him, and allow Him to have it.  How ridiculous that food is at times more important to me than Him.  Wow, I don't even want to type that, but it is true at times and if I'm thinking it or feeling it, then God already knows so why bother trying to hide it from Him?  My God is bigger than my food addiction.  My God can whip this addiction, I've just got to stop defending it to Him.  Right now I'm like the abused woman who defends her abuser.  God wants to whup the tar outta this thing, but I'm protecting it with the stupidest rationalizations in the world.  It's time to stop.  It's time to let God step in and take control again.  It's time to let it go and let God put that demon back in the brig where it belongs.  It's time to be healthy again.  It's time....

Till next time..........I'm here fighting to be unTHICKINand struggling to get back toTHINNIN!

Still Struggling..........

I'm still struggling on keeping it together day after day.  I think if I could just get through a solid week OP, then I'd be over the worst of it.  That's my goal this week.  I want to go from Tuesday to Tuesday without going off plan once.  I can do it, I know I can, I just have to want it bad enough. 

The weather is gorgeous here, and we were outside all day today. That felt wonderful! 

I've got nothing to report, other than yesterday and today weren't good plan days!  On to tomorrow and hopefully a full week of tracking and eating healthy.

Till next time.......I'm unTHICKINandsoTHINNIN!

Well, well, well........

I'd like to report that Saturday was a good day, food choice wise, but it wasn't!  Lets just say that I ended the glut-fest by eating Mexican food with Mr. Neighbor, and soon to be Mrs. Neighbor.  Mr Neighbor and soon to be Mrs. Neighbor are more than 10 years younger than us.  We get along well with them though, and decided to go see the movie The Bounty Hunter.  Before going to the movie we went and ate at the local Mexican restaurant.  The Man had cheese fries, cuz he doesn't "do" ethnic food.  He didn't like the cheese fries either, poor guy, cuz it was different kind of cheese they put on them.  Anywho, the movie was fantastically funny and I laughed myself silly.  We are for sure buying it on DVD when it comes out.  It was a fun evening, but another terrible eating day for me. 

On a bright note though, I got up this morning and The Man and I went for a 40 minute walk in the brisk cold!  I did my 200 crunches and am totally OP so far. 

Never fear dear ones, I'll battle myself back, it's just a process right now.  Right now I'm hunkered down in the trenches, and my demon is taking pot shots at me continually.  I've taken quite a few hits, lost some blood, but infection isn't setting in and moral is still high.  I'm still ok, and soon the tide will turn back in my favor.  I'm not giving in, or giving up and that's the biggest part of the battle!

Till next time..........I'm unTHICKINandsoTHINNIN!