Weight Watchers Update.........We All Fall Down......

Well since getting myself back on track Wednesday September 8 2010 I'm down 9 lbs.  I feel so much better and am happy that for now that evil demon is taking a nap again.  Of course I've got 35 lbs to lose to get back where I was before I jumped off the wagon and got run over!

Yesterday I was standing at my sink washing up some dishes and it occurred to me that we really do ALL fall down at some point and in some area of our lives. For some it's in beating an addiction, or in dealing with relationships, or careers. All of us fall down. Some jump right back up and are good to go for years. Others just keep getting knocked down and getting up like Paul Newman in Cool Hand Luke. As we've all heard so many times, winners get knocked down just like losers, they just get up one more time, or something like that.


It just hit me, when I get knocked off this weight loss train, it isn't a physical problem that knocks me off. The tree branch that sweeps me off my high horse is mental. I've never been too hungry to "do" Weight Watchers. This program, when you eat good, whole, natural food, gives you plenty to eat! I get 29 points a day and sometimes I struggle to get them all in. (I know I know, and don't worry, I'll be down to 23 points soon enough) It's that demon who lives in my head that likes to lay low up the road and ambush me when I least expect it. I've blogged about this before, but that demon is what I have to beat. It isn't losing weight or even keeping it off, it's that mental saboteur that I have got to get a handle on. It affects each and every part of my life and I'm tired of it.

That evil bastard tries to convince me not to ride my horse, he tells me that cooking two seperate meals isn't worth it, he tells me all sorts of annoying stuff to try to derail me because he's afraid of me. On the days I can keep him down, I'm unstoppable, and that worries him. I long for the day I don't have to keep my guard up against him, but I don't know if that day will ever come. In the meantime, I'll just keep fighting and hope that the timeline between him knocking me down and my getting back up continues to shrink. Usually when he kicks my a$s it takes me years to pick myself back up. This time it only took 6 months! Perhaps when it happens again (and I know it will) it will only take 3 months, and on down from there. One thing I know, I'll keep getting up. Just like that gorgeous Paul Newman, I'll be a real Cool Hand, cuz I'll never give up, even if I'm broken and bloody and beat all tohell. I'll never give up on me. I'm way too worth it!



God Bless...

I'm back..........

I've decided I'm going to start posting here again cuz I need it for therapy and cuz I don't want to overwhelm anybody on my other blog with my craziness!

To be totally honest with myself, I've been off track since our home remodel, way back on February 18th or 19th. That's a month that I've been off track. Not seriously, totally, wildly off track, but a day here, or a couple days there. It's keeping me from losing and it's scaring me. The rationalizations I'm giving myself are tenfold and silly, such as........You're a homesteader, homestead women are plump and sturdy........or........you're a stay at home mom and should be nice and fluffy like Mrs. Clause.........RIDICULOUS!!!! The things that my demon trys to convince me of.

Anyway, I'm going back to ridin' the horse that got me here. I'm going back to blogging about my feelings and my weight loss, even if I've really got nothing to say. That's why I quit blogging about it, I was cocky and over confident and felt like I had nothing to report. Well God has slapped me down and let me know that I'm soooo not in control, not at all!! I'm also going back to running and taking time off from lifting weights. Now I know that I blogged all the time about how much I loved lifting weights, and I did and do love it. However, it dramatically slowed my weight loss and that part I didn't like so much, so I think I got discouraged and started letting my old behaviors creep back in. Not good when you've got the food issues that I've got. I'm also recommitting myself to the crunch challenge. I was feeling lean and strong when I was doing 200 crunches a day, and my back didn't hurt at all! I haven't consistently done them in a month and my back is telling me about it. I'm also going to do one more thing that sort of makes me feel like a quitter, but I feel like it's something I need to do. I'm changing my goal weight to 160 lbs. Once I get to 160 then I'm going to concentrate on keeping myself under 161 lbs, without putting myself on maintenance. If I can lose more then that's good but my goal will just be to not gain!!!

So that's where I'm at! I'm ok, still feel good, still love myself, haven't spiraled into the pit of depression or despair. I'm just recommitting myself to making every bite count nutritionally, and if it ain't bringing something to the table in regards to my health, I'm not going to eat it. I had really slacked on that part of things and that makes me mad at myself.

To sum up........I'm worth it, I love myself, I'm strong, determined, and fabulous. I'm a warrior and I'm strapping on my armor once again, can you hear me roaring??

Till next time..............I'm back to unTHICKINandsoreadytobeTHINNIN!

God bless!